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"Dear Simone" Coaching Column
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How do you find true love and a meaningful relationship?
W.G. from Iowa
I have found is that it starts with me. When I am in the space
of looking, I only find more of what I don't have because that is
what my attention is focused on--what I don't have. Looking from a
place of lack gives off an air of desperation and lack, so I start
living as if I do have true love and a meaningful relationship.
I take care of myself in ways that make me feel special and cherished.
Have you ever
noticed how people in love are very attractive and radiate interest
and love. You want to be around them or with them because they not
only feel love in their life, but they also exude love. That is attractive!
So the question now becomes how do I exude love when I am not
in a meaningful relationship, so that I can be in one?
First, you must
become whom you want to date. Look at your checklist and see
if you are a match. This does not mean that you have to be perfect,
beautiful, or thin. It does mean that you have to be someone who loves
and cares about yourself, so that others have a reason to want to
love and care about you.
your time with things and activities that you like and want to do.
When you actively cultivate your interests, you become more attractive
to others. Your Mr. or Ms. Right should not be expected to bring the
excitement into your life. That is a big responsibilty, and most people
do not want the pressure of ensuring someone else's happiness, especially
someone with whom they are just getting involved.
your communication skills. The most memorable people are those
that listen to us. How well do you listen and then respond appropriately.
This does not mean that you have to settle for someone who does not
listen to you. It does mean that you are comfortable sharing in others'
lives and inviting them to share and participate in yours.
yourself. Get excited about being you, and the world will get
excited with you. If you have a hard time loving and enjoying who
you are, then you will have a hard time being intimate with someone
else. You may want to engage the help of a coach to establish your
boundaries and raise your standards, or perhaps a therapist might
help you to resolve any issues of low self-worth.
The bottom line
is that you have it in you to find true love and a meaningful relationship.
The key is to become so attractive it finds you!
tell me what else you want to know.